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Mugged! My Story By Man From Uranus

Um "Holy Fire" Strawberry Fair 2004

The UM Archive for June, 2004

The actual horror…

Right. Finally Caroline forces a bottle of spring water on me and we begin the trudge to the gallows represented by the school assembly hall. I’m really, really, really shitting myself. In fact, and I hope this isn’t a little too much information for you, I do actually need to go, but I know that [...]

Legs Akimbo, or I ain’t called Um for nothing.

OK. Legs Akimbo? Then I’ll begin.
Well, it was like this. My actress buddy Caroline phones me up sometime about a week ago asking me to help her out with some role-play thing in a school that she desperately needs a man for. Now generally speaking I can’t be doing with thesps and thespionage [...]

I must have release!

Pete.um, Exotic sex is urgently necessary for you!
I heard some people catch a helpless d0gs and other animals, like h0rses, g0ats, sheeps and f-u-kk them. Recenlry i saw it… They also make an extreemly s.e-ks.ual actions with an1malz! They make an1-mals to l1ck w0man’s pooss1es and a-s.sh0les. W00men l1ke to [...]

I dreamt/ I am supporting Damo Suzuki

Last night I dreamt that I was in a tent with tiered seating with a fellow audience who were exclusively proletarian in nature and raucous of mood. Gordon Brown, only fatter and unkempt, sweatily squeezed into a suit that was far too small, was at the front speaking. He’d lost his Scottishness and was all [...]

The Promised Philosophy

Right, so I’ve promised philosophy, but its hot, one of my kidneys hurts and I’ve got Thomas The Tank Engine blaring into my right ear. Its not really philosophy you’re going to get anyway, its more like some sort of discursive confessional.
All I wanted to say really was what a headfuck the whole [...]

The unravelling of the spectacle: The Dark Side.

NO MORE PAYING EXPENSIVE FOR SOFTWARES WITH US journal church girls
I think I’ve narrowed down the potential causes of my computer woes to a list of four.
Heat. I’ve had even more problems than usual during this recent spell of warm weather. However I still get restarts during cold weather. Some [...]

The making of the spectacle: Strawberry Fair 2004

Take This Medication To Cure Ur Sick serve taunt
Life is shitehouse. I’m forcing myself to type here. Even the automatic spellchecker feels like someone imposing his or her will on me. Nah, its not so bad, but the aforementioned bummers and the comedown from my Strawberry Fair foolery have left me slightly behind [...]

Pete Um is out of the office.

Stuff in bold is from recent email Spam (verbatim):
u dont make much with ur current job nor repeat height college close yourself heard nay different nine nay all resolved! independent argue arm point that exaggerate repeated gym broken, example new six trees particular satisfied any cry explain lady, stepped son circumstances him [...]